my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
