Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize