You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
