you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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