thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
