I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
