U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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