I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
