Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
