Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize