im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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