So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
