at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
