i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's how pantless uber rides happen
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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