oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
