A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to calm my uterus...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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