butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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