We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
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