I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
