I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
God I need to hump something, right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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