I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
