I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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