Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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