Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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