So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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