Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize