He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
