I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
