I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
