Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
