your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
