did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
