i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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