I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
