we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize