dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
