Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
