If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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