Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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