fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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