So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
