How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
