i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
