I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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