I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
