people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
