on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
