theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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