it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
false alarm, still single
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
