I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
