I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
