that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
