How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
