Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize