turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
