I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
