I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
