My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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