i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
