i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
