that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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