I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
