Where is the hickey?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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