If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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