K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The power of my boobs compel you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
