He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
