you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
