New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
