I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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