turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We are all done wearing pants today
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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