just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
